show me how big your brave is.

This time last year I was a little ways into what would become another attempt in a long line of failed diets.  This time, I'd  chosen Take Shape For Life/Medifast, and initially I was really excited to be on the plan.  A friend of mine had amazing results on the plan, and I read all the testimonials on it.

It was so exciting when I chose my first month's food, and the huge box filled with all my little boxes of food arrived.  I was excited the first day as I packed my meals into my lunch bag for work.  And when I weighed for the first time a week and a half later and had lost almost 12 pounds, I was still excited.

About three months into the plan though, I was SO unhappy.  I couldn't have fruit.  I was severely limited in what vegetables I could have.  I couldn't have milk or cheese or any of the dairy I was used to - even in moderation.  When I went out to dinner with friends, I had to sift through my salad for things I COULD eat, and discard the things I couldn't.  I couldn't drink juice, or regular soda EVER.  I couldn't have a splurge day, EVER.

I had no energy to work out AT ALL.  I didn't feel full EVER, or satisfied by what I was eating.  I couldn't stop craving "bad" foods.

I was miserable.

One day about two and a half-three months on the plan, I was managing a concession stand for the local youth football league and I barely had a chance to eat ALL day.  That night I was so hungry that I gave in and ordered pizza.  And it was AMAZING.  And the next day, and the day after that?  I was so so so sick.  Sicker than I'd ever been in my life.

But it also showed me how unhappy I was.  The plan was so restrictive.  Instead of filling my body with natural things, I was eating prepackaged, tasteless meals.  I wasn't getting any GOOD carbs, natural fiber, etc.  And I wasn't getting healthier, or stronger.  I was getting skinnier (used as a broad term, I was still overweight, even having lost almost 30 pounds.)  I couldn't run or lift weights, and I was ALWAYS starving.

About a month later, I went off the plan.  The holidays happened, and I ate.  New Year's and Valentine's Day, then a vacation happened, and I ate.  I gained most of those 30 pounds back.  Then slowly I started going to the gym again, and thinking about the way I was eating - all of which led me to my recent huge change in my lifestyle and my foods.

Last year was an incredibly weird and challenging year - some good things happened, and some of the worst things I've ever endured happened.  I won't lie and say I didn't eat for comfort, but what I learned was that commercial weight loss plans aren't for me.  I won't be trying Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, etc.

I'm happy with where I'm at - eating good foods that benefit me, like fruits, vegetables, and lean meats.  Making up my own recipes as I go along.  I'm losing slowly, and that's absolutely okay, because this time?  I'm happy.  I had to go through all that to get HERE.  And "here" is a very good place. 

I told myself I'd weigh today, and at the same time, told myself not to get upset if the numbers didn't say what I wanted them to say - that being any decrease in weight.  I approached this without a point of reference in mind really; I knew what I weighed about two months ago, and  I knew I'd gone up since then, but not how FAR up.  I didn't weigh when I got home from California to get an idea of where I stood, so although I *think* today is progress, I'm not sure.  So I'm considering this my starting point, and it will be interesting in about two weeks when I weigh again.

I'm not going to get on the scales every day.

I'm NOT going to agonize over every choice I make.

I'm not going to torment myself if I don't lose "enough," etc.

I had a piece of chocolate zucchini cake last night after eating healthy all day - in fact, I just realize quite by accident, I had NO meat at all yesterday.  I was a little hungrier than normal, BUT I ate pretty well.  I had:

• 1 and 1/2 bananas for breakfast


• Lunch was mixed vegetables (fresh squash, fresh mushrooms, onions, fresh bell and banana peppers) sauteed in olive oil and salt free Mrs Dash, and a baked sweet potato.  YUM.  It was a bit of a late lunch but it kept me full until early evening.


• Snack was another banana.


• Dinner was a huge salad, with mixed lettuce (including romaine), and baby spinach, with two hard boiled eggs.  I ate late because I got home from working on a friend's computer, so I didn't want anything too heavy.

So, I splurged on the cake, and I sort of wish I hadn't, but I'm not going to make myself feel TOO guilty.  That'll just be my splurge for awhile.  I really still am not craving soda at all, and I think if I have small "sweet" something every now and again I'll be okay.  I bought fresh strawberries to have at night if I need an extra snack/a dessert, so that should stand in for chocolate/etc.  It's just training myself to crave GOOD stuff instead of bad.

So anyway, long story short now I've rambled about what I'm eating (I'm about to make a huge smoothie this morning, YUM), I got on the scales, and I'm at 230.5.  The ONLY reference I have, like I said above, is where I was awhile back, at 232-233.  So I'm looking forward to seeing how the next week and a half-two weeks goes.  I am determined to get back to the gym this week so I can start adding some weights back into my work-out; I'm afraid to do TOO much without the weights to keep strengthening or toning.  I was doing so well on bench - so near my goal of benching 100 pounds, and I was starting on the military press, which was kicking my butt.  So I miss all of that, plus Zumba, and my time on the elliptical.  That's my goal for this week.

Happy Friday, guys! 

When I was in California recently, I felt so inspired by all the GOOD food choices I saw others making; when I came home, I vowed to start back eating healthy and make working out a priority again.  I was doing great before my Florida vacation, but then I was "on vacation" and when I came home, I didn't really get back to where I left off before.  But California was awesome - seeing things like Whole Foods, and so many healthy options was wonderful, and really opened my eyes.

A friend and I stopped at Cracker Barrel on the way back from Nashville, and I had one last splurge meal (their pancakes are FANTASTIC), and since then, I've done pretty well.  I'm a huge coffee / sweet tea drinker, so I've been trying to have honey in my coffee in place of sugar.  And instead of three cups, I've had only one or two.  I've been drinking mostly water, and only had one small soda when I went to the city pool the other day.  I felt so bad, but I had a hot dog - but I was starving, and you can't bring food in WITH you.  Ugh.

I've also been more active.  I've been on my treadmill twice, and swam for awhile in the pool on Tuesday.  I'm not fixating on any goals just yet or weights except being healthier.

My family wanted to go to an Italian restaurant last night so I got a grilled chicken salad.  Then I stocked up on fruits and snacks.  SO HAPPY.  I FEEL so much better already, and I'm really excited for garden vegetables.  Some are already coming in, and one of my goals is to try new things.  (Just not tomatoes.  Yuck.)

This feels REALLY good.  I was happily surprised I was able to do a bit on the treadmill; swimming felt good, too.  It's been so rainy here since I got back that I'm not sure how much I can do outside, but I'm trying to get out there as much as I can for the sunshine.  And I have my gym membership, so I'm determined to start using that more, too!



Groceries, and then this morning's smoothie - before and after.  SO GOOD.

More healthy updates coming soon, hopefully!  I'm off to do some cleaning, mail out some resumes, and then eat a snack.  :)

So, twirly pretty much made my day today.  We are embarking on a storyline within our writing project that should be...amazing.  I am a very happy girl today.  Well, I try to be most days, but today especially.  I adore these characters.  I adore writing with Kay!

I was so exhausted today so I spent awhile napping, and that really helped improve my mood.  I was just so drained, and tired!  I feel better now and am going to settle in soon to do some reading, then head to bed.  Tomorrow starts a new week, which should be challenging, but good hopefully. 

In other news, I haven't weighed in probably three weeks, but I'm going to weigh soon.  I've started a Goodwill pile of clothes that are actually getting too big, which makes me SUPER happy.  Hopefully I can get some new pants and shirts soon, since I'm slowly getting back into things that were too small, but once I start losing more, I will need another pair of two of dress pants for work and a few nice shirts.  YAY!