show me how big your brave is.

Just got in from an early 4th-of-July BBQ/hootnanny with the friends.  I feel so happy to have them in my life.  Tonight was a few people I'm used to and a few new people, and all around was a ton of fun.  We hung out from 4 until about 1am just laughing and talking and catch up, playing a (really horrible) game of volleyball and other stuff, eating great food, and having fun.  I feel so blessed in that aspect of my life! 

I made a HUGE choice tonight.  I signed up for Take Shape For Life and I'm over the moon about it.  It's a big lifestyle change, cutting out things like sweets, soda, and fast food (except for on an every once in awhile basis.)  For so long I resisted, thinking it was a crash diet, or a way of "cheating."  But now I can see that it will - hopefully - teach me how to make healthier eating choices, and do it in a way so that I hold myself accountable, but I also have a "coach," who's a good friend of mine who will help keep me motivated.  It must work, because her results have been amazing in about two years, and I've seen that happen, plus heard success stories, and had their program vouched for by a nutritionist friend of mine.

I've been wanting to lose weight for a LONG time.  That's no secret.  I need willpower and I need help.  I haven't been able to do it on my own, or by joining a gym.  I always give in and give up.  I always say that this time is different, then it isn't.  But I'm starting to get really scared for my future if I don't lose, and worse, if I keep gaining.  I'm hoping that by doing this - by investing the money in their food, their plan, and by basically giving myself no other option, that I'll stick to my guns and succeed.  I look in the mirror and I see that I'm disappearing into my weight, and that terrifies me.  I have to try to change that.

Otherwise, it's SO HOT here.  It hit 100+ again today.  They're talking about not shooting off fireworks for the 4th in town this year, which they ALWAYS do.  I'm worried about the garden and the pool.  I hope it rains soon.  *does a rain dance*  I want to be outside swimming and being active, but this heat is just stealing everyone's energy.